I never really set out to actively write myself into the AT universe; these guys just kind of grew, organically, which is part of the reason there's two of them. Just thought I'd post them here for posterity: my two original AT characters, Leish and Ayulsa. For those who saw Leish's profile a while ago (all one of you), this is a version 2.0; some things have been tweaked a little.
Leish Enfandria
"Please, everyone, raise your voices in joyous prayer."
Species: Reyvateil (Beta)
Age: 34
Height: 5'4"
Appearance: Pale brown hair usually tied back in a short braid, golden-brown eyes, slightly freckled skin; small, skinny, with boyish features
Magic: Mostly of the Earth element
Leish is the cheerful type, bookish and friendly, known for his slightly formal bearing and his staunch devotion to the Church of Elemia. A Cardinal who treats his job extremely seriously and is given to visions, trances and other mystical experiences at the hands of the Goddesses, he can come off as a little dreamy and spacey at times to those who don't know him well, but his dedication to his work soon disavows most people of that opinion, even if he does leave his personal quarters in a mess and half-eaten sandwiches of his tend to turn up in the strangest of places. Like his partner Vianchiel, he dislikes conflict both philosophically and personally; their shared feelings about helping humanity through peaceful actions are part of why they get along so well.
What almost no one knows is that Leish, despite being male, is actually a Reyvateil, an experiment gone slightly wrong. He was created with a Reyvateil's body, enabling him to use Song Magic, but the song-spirit that entered into him at birth saw itself to be male. Unable to reconcile his appearance with his internal self, he struggled with despair until his creators took pity on him and altered him physically to look like a boy, suggesting that he go out into the world and craft a normal life for himself while forgetting his Reyvateil powers, and offering their sincerest of apologies.
While Leish did leave his creators and join the Elemia Church, having been filled with a sudden sense of spiritual wonder at the world inspired by his newfound happiness, he was never able to quite forget that he was a Reyvateil too, and still frequently feels driven to raise his voice in song. Unfortunately, the physical alterations to his body pretty much ruined his voice permanently, and quite frankly, his singing is painful to listen to. His bad voice doesn't actually keep his magic from being quite powerful, but since it's not pleasant to hear, he shies away from practising it; he considers that even if he were good he'd never want to sing in public anyway, since he'd be even more embarrassed about being exposed as a Reyvateil. He considers the trade to have been worthwhile, even if at times he finds it frustrating.
What's most embarrassing of all for him is that his install port has a really obvious location; it's on his right hand. Naturally, he's never seen in public without gloves of some sort. He tried to train himself to be left-handed so he wouldn't have to be constantly reminded of it, but it didn't work very well, so he just puts up with it these days. If he catches anyone staring at his hands, he gets extremely flustered; everyone by now assumes that he has some kind of skin condition that he'd rather not talk about, or that his hands are shrivelled and deformed due to a sickness, which, since they're quite small even in gloves, doesn't seem unlikely. He's learnt to swallow down his revulsion and shake hands (with his left, which still bothers him due to emotional associations, but at least doesn't feel quite as violating) for the purposes of diplomacy, but if you touch them without giving him a chance to prepare, he'll freak out. He's normally not prone to panic at all, but that's one way to get him very upset very quickly.
He can be a bit obsessive about his interests, namely the intricacies of church dogma, and he's prone to getting just a tiny bit preachy about his beliefs, though he tries to keep a lid on it.
Leish has a Cosmosphere, and he has costumes, too. Unless you're Via, though, good luck getting to see them; he'd never wear them in public, even the tame ones, and he's not up for letting anyone except his partner into his Cosmosphere any time soon. The very fact that he has one is embarrassing, and it's hard for even Via to dive very deep into him just because he has so many reservations about diving itself that even his first level is difficult to clear, though she hopes that by working through his Cosmosphere he'll become more relaxed about the fact that he's a Reyvateil and maybe even be able to fully embrace his magic. His Mind Guardian is Aazzmissaggamoth (a shortened nickname, believe it or not), a small golden dragon statue after the Chinese style.
Ayulsa Shinsekai
"For eternity, a new world."
Species: Virus
Age: Unknown; appears about eight
Height: 4'1"
Appearance: See reference sheet
Magic: No Song Magic, but can interact with the Binary Field
Favourite pastime: Nature hunts
Favourite lullaby: EXEC_HARMONIOUS/.
Favourite food: Cookies 'n' cream icecream (with oatmeal chocolate chip)
Least favourite food: Chicken stew
Greatest frustration: That he can't sing like his mother, even when he tries to copy her
A virus created by Mir, Ayulsa takes a humanoid form in the physical world much as Ayatane does. Specifically, his appearance is that of a young boy with scruffy, brownish-blond hair with lavender tips, wide green eyes, and corrupted Hymmnos sigils running over his skin that glow with a faint blue light; he is typically dressed in brightly-coloured, practical clothing of the sort that might befit a child of seven or eight years old. He considers Ayatane to be his brother, and looks to Mir as a parent figure.
Ayulsa was the first humanoid virus created to aid Mir with her plan to redeem and revitalise the world of Ar Ciel. Remembering her own youth and the boundless love she held for humanity then, she saw the image of a curious, kindly child as best suited for this task, and indeed Ayulsa possesses many of the personality traits his mother had in her childhood: he is gentle and made uneasy by violence, creative and playful though in a manner that is not too boisterous and is mindful of the world around him, and easily awed by the joys and wonders of life.
While Mir tried to craft for him a personality that would make him happy as well as making him of use to her plans, she put no limitations on his development, believing that all intelligent entities have the right to the freedom of mind and emotion they tried to strip from her. As such, he doesn't feel himself beholden to her and will often get distracted from his tasks by his own interests, which Mir allows, not so concerned as she once was with the efficiency of her plan's execution at the cost of the principles she believes in. He still cares for her deeply, though, and by default will be found at her side, engaging in some simple frivolity, reading, or simply observing the world around, ready to be called into her service at a moment's notice.
Despite his docility and guileless playfulness, he possesses the intelligence of an adult, though his emotional responses remain largely those of a child. As a result, on a social and personal level he appears to be young and naive, but can almost seem adult when discussing practical matters, and has a startlingly large vocabulary.
Letra - Eldharia ~Inori Saku Mori~
11 months ago
8 comments:
That is, indeed, quite self-inserty. You and your overflowing fountain of excess spiritual ideas.
How does Leish deal with having to shake hands? Surely if he's in a high position in the church, he's going to have to do a lot of dealing with people?
Yup. XD They sort of were created from the beginning to be self-inserty, honestly. The whole reason for their existence is pretty much "me imagining what I might be in the AT world".
He can sort of do it when he has to and he knows it's going to happen in advance; he'll act like he's left-handed (because he really couldn't stand shaking right-handedly, just... no. Ick.), and just choke it down and squirm. If you just touch his hand without warning him, though, he's going to be very "aah". (And I should possibly edit the profile to reflect that.)
Leish is a very interesting character. There are aspects of his design that I have pondered.
His identity is possible through the sacrifice of his freedom as a Reyvateil. The sacrifice is at least as self-imposed as it is social; he wishes to break all ties with what he once was--or perhaps, in his mind, never was.
It's interesting to note how our appreciation for what we are in the present hinges on how completely we can escape the past. His Reyvateil heritage was never directly part of the problem, but he feels driven to shun it nonetheless. It's not something he can dismiss as an artefact of misunderstanding his past identity. It's something he could potentially be proud of, like a great achievement credited to a name to which he no longer answers.
How will he find peace...?
You do offer a very incisive analysis, and I think in fact you've quite cut to the quick of what this character's about. His Reyvateil nature is something that fundamentally does not alter his ability to be who he is, and something that honestly, like it or not, is always going to be a part of who he is; he can certainly be male, but he will always be a male Reyvateil. That side of himself is bound too deeply into his whole being for him to escape it, and if he does not reconcile it, some part of him will always be ill at ease-- though, to his credit, he's doing rather well so far.
He feels that because a Reyvateil is normally inherently female, he can't be one and be himself; the two are mutually exclusive. Yet it's obvious that he is, in fact, both; no matter how much he protests that he can't, his very existence proves that wrong.
There's also, I've realised, a conflict here in that while I feel no person should have to accept any part of their physical body that does not agree with their identity-- we do not, in the beginning, get to choose our bodies, which is somewhat unfair as so many people treat them as expressions of our inner selves, and I don't see why we should not feel free to change them to suit our insides-- Leish is not merely a Reyvateil in body, but in soul. He really does have a spirit that is both male and born of song. And oddly enough for all his piety, he hasn't actually quite recognised that yet. Perhaps the fact that this realisation has come up will finally set him down the path to true peace.
(And yes, should identity ever require sacrifice of another part of the self? In fact, can a true, full expression of one's identity ever involve that sacrifice? --is it not contrary to the very nature of "one's true identity" to demand that it excludes certain parts of one's nature? It depends, I suppose, what you consider your inherent nature and what you consider "things you just happen to be born with"; again, you can make a good case for the idea that our bodies aren't our natures, but being born a Reyvateil is quite probably something else.)
Indeed, it is unfair to be given no choice over a factor that influences the entire scope of your existence. It is unfair for assumptions to be made about your character, for segregated choices to be presented to you, for demands to be made of you, based on a choice you did not make. The injustices concerning gender identity are as vile as racism or sexism, but often dismissed because it cannot be proven and cannot be felt by those who are unaffected by the condition.
As with Song Magic, humans have a hard time understanding a Reyvateil's perspective because the greater part of the song's power can neither be proven nor felt by human observers. In both cases, no one understands because it's completely outside the scope of experiences they will ever feel!
Even sympathisers can only imagine... What a lonely path to be on.
It is important for people to realise that even the unseeable and unknowable can be central to the definition of one's existence. Things don't simply stop being relevant when you refuse to acknowledge them.
It is unfair for assumptions to be made about your character, for segregated choices to be presented to you, for demands to be made of you, based on a choice you did not make.
Yes. And I think that's something people fail to recognise about the problems people with gender issues face; they didn't choose their physical bodies, either, and yet they're forced into a particular role, demands made on them, choices given to them, based on appearances. I think that's something even I hadn't realised before; that it's really not a different issue from that of those fighting against sexism or racism. It's the desire to be acknowledged as an individual whose personhood bears no relation to whatever body random genetics decided to feed out to you, or whatever stereotypes people might hold about what those bodies symbolise.
It is important for people to realise that even the unseeable and unknowable can be central to the definition of one's existence. Things don't simply stop being relevant when you refuse to acknowledge them.
Beautifully put, and something I've voiced many times myself before; it's always good to hear other people say it, because I think many of us do lead lives to which the numinous, the liminal, the unseen is central, yet few speak out to help others realise why it matters so much, and so many live their lives continuing to believe that the non-physical is worth that much less than something verifiably concrete.
Yay, I love to hear about other people's characters! I think I like Ayulsa a lot (probably because of the childishness), but Leish is interesting in his own way.
Even sympathisers can only imagine... What a lonely path to be on.
The thing is though, everyone is complex, whether they realize it or not. When we communicate with one another, some things are inevitably lost in translation. I hate to say it, but as much as others fail to understand your truest self, you don't understand them either (not you specifically, but "you" in the general sense).
And to play the devil's advocate--it also seems unfair to demand empathy from everyone else. If the world is to be at all functional, one can't expect others to see past his or her physical attributes all the time, or even most of the time. With our complexity, if we had the ability to shapeshift, we might take on a multitude of forms from one day to the next, which would end up being extremely confusing for others. I don't think it's wrong to need to reconcile the concept of a person with a consistent image.
I do agree, though, that the hidden aspects of one's identity are just as relevant and significant as the outwardly apparent ones. In Leish's case, it's more crucial for him to come to terms with the contradictions that are inherent to his identity--as Ayulsa said--than to have others acknowledge them (though the latter would certainly help a great deal). People may not recognize him for who he is, but that's no reason for him to water himself down for anyone.
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