WRITTEN ON A PLANE YOU GUYS so I have no idea if it's good or not. Also, makes no sense unless you've seen the end of Mana Khemia, srsly. Obviously contains
the future belongs to the brave
You are not wrong, you who believe
Your will defines your destiny
But if you act in selfish fear
The truth means nothing....
You are not wrong, if you perceive
The message veiled in mystery
But if we bury what we dream
We're left with what remains....
***
"So, this....
This is what I am."
Vayne stretched his limbs; near-imperceptibly, but Isolde could see him tense, then relax, like one awakened from sleep. It was as if he was stretching out his soul, teaching it again to fully occupy a body it had forgotten.
"This... is what you hoped to banish from this world."
She kept her eyes on him as she spoke, though unease flickered at her heart, serpent-tongued. "Now do you understand? The purpose of my actions... the reason I can't allow you...." She paused, watching his expression slowly morph; from that of the conflicted, wild-eyed boy who had stood there a moment ago, to something that now carried itself with unearthly repose and grace, its icy eyes calmly watching hers. Devoid of malice as it was, she still felt her gaze waver under that stare. "Knowing yourself, knowing this power... you must appreciate it. The extent of what you can do. Why you mustn't stay in this world."
"No, Isolde," said Vayne, with a lazy blink. It left, for a moment, a blurry film over his eyes. "I don't think I do."
Cold fear eclipsed her. Gods, save me.... It's too late.
"I do... have power." The words came slow and easy. "And now, I know so much more about myself. You're not wrong, when you say that. But when you say I must see what it means.... it seems that you're the one who doesn't understand me." He smiled softly, sadly; she could not tell if he was trying to dampen the impact of his words in prudence, or if he truly felt compassion.
"It's true, I was created by Theofratus' hand. My father...." She tensed at Vayne's recollection. "But from the same source from which all Mana come. That source of goodness and truth that, ultimately, drives alchemy. I mean no harm...."
"You might not mean it!" she hissed, drawing back. "But how can you know what you'll do? In the heat of the moment, in the midst of fear...."
"I'm not afraid, Isolde." He took a step towards her.
"Get back!"
"You're the one who's afraid." He moved with feline grace, sliding through the space between like oil on water; his form had not changed, not significantly, but she saw the new motions that worked under his skin. Light began to halo him, glittering off the tips of his hair. His features were softened through the aura.
"Stay back, or I'll pierce your heart!"
The smile never left his face. "You know you can't do that."
She saw no mockery in that smile, no human, vain defiance. He smiled because the simple calmness of truth cocooned him. It was as he'd said. He had no reason to fear.
She allowed, for the first time, her eyes to fall from his.
"So... this is how it ends," she said.
"Ends?"
"Theofratus' son-- his creation," she corrected herself. "To take my life, as you took his." Breathing in strength, she returned her gaze to him. "I can't win against you, but it won't keep me from fighting!"
She felt a hand touch against her shoulder. "Ah!"
"Why pick a fight you can't win?" There was sadness in his features, now. "I'm asking sincerely. I really want to know, Isolde-sensei." The slip back into the more deferent form of address reminded her of the old Vayne; the two mingled in his expression, not struggling for dominance but blending into one seamless entity. The two sides of himself were finding peace with each other. "Hey... can you hear me?"
Snapped back to reality, she tried to regain her train of thought. "...Because...!" Fire rose in her voice. "Because it's all I can do, any more! I won't let you simply destroy it all... I can't let you... but there's nothing...."
Vayne shook his head. "There's no need to disgrace yourself in front of me. I don't want that.... Let's just go back."
"No... if I just let you live, I'm already disgraced.... And his name...."
"Even if you could destroy me, then my father would never have a chance to prove himself. I want to live... in a way that proves to the world.... That he didn't do anything evil."
For a handful of moments, their own breathing was all that resounded in the still air around them, as the other's words settled on their minds. Vayne, his pale hand still resting on Isolde's shoulder, filled the chamber with the light of his presence: a fuzzy glow, white and pulsing, that caught upon dust motes and lit them up, for brief instants, with brilliant flares of colour.
"This place feels so old...." He took a ragged breath, not befitting his youthful form; it was as if he tasted the ancient nature of the air and allowed it to live within him. "I never noticed these things before.... Before I knew I was a Mana, I never cared that much about anything. I did whatever was asked of me without complaint, but I didn't know why. Now... that reason...." He swept a hand through the air, stirring up the little dust-glimmers, a childlike serenity crossing his face at the dancing display. "It doesn't really change anything, but at least I know I have a purpose. Now, I know why I act, why I feel these things.... And knowing that... knowing this power, feeling the whole world through it, echoing in my heart like lightning, like life.... I couldn't possibly...."
A tear streaked down his face, alive and shimmering in the light.
"I couldn't possibly do any harm to this world, knowing that. Do you understand?"
"How can you say such things...." Her own voice was thick with tears.
"I don't know...." He was crying, but not the way she was. Even through his sobs, she could hear the smile warm in his words. "I don't know, Isolde-sensei. You tell me. You're the teacher.... I don't really know anything. I just exist.... But... I want to help this world." He paused for a moment, a new thought arising in his mind. "Don't you?"
"...What? Of course...."
"Then why.... Alchemy can help this world. And you teach because you want to bring the world alchemy, right? But this isn't.... Destroying a Mana.... Running from the truth in fear.... Isn't it your wish that I should grow, to know this light, the way alchemy meant for us to? Have you forgotten what it means to pursue this?"
"...No, Vayne.... You're right. I used to believe... that alchemy's powers could.... But now, seeing all it has wrought...."
"Then why do you still teach?" His voice was flecked with genuine surprise.
She laughed, bitterly, through her tears. "Maybe I don't know. Maybe I don't know why I do or say such things. No... No, I suppose it's... because if students will learn this... it's my duty to make sure they don't use it for the things he used it for... to make sure they don't make mistakes. Such a dangerous power...." Another wry laugh escaped her. "How can I be the only one who sees it?"
"Maybe because it isn't true."
"Of course you'd say that."
"Look at me."
His words reached her ears, and she realised she'd been staring at the ground again, watching the ripples his light picked out in the movement of dust through the air. "It is an ancient place," she whispered. "You're right...."
"Don't turn away. Look at me...."
She looked up, her head as heavy as it had ever felt. It was a titanic effort to make herself regard his form, to meet his face, now, all those words echoing in her mind. Who knew what she might see there, what might turn itself upon her. Who knew....
His eyes caught hers, benevolent, placid. She could feel the wish-power that swelled and tumbled within him, but his expression betrayed nothing of the turmoil. It radiated. Light streamed out from him in waves that felt almost casual, thick tendrils of power that curled and undulated like a cat's tail; they spread from his back, from his arms, like long and flexible wings. She remembered him, suspended in light, lifting himself to the heavens by his own power. Those streams of light didn't look like they could bear a body aloft, but she was confident they bore his weight, when he willed it.
"Be brave, Isolde-sensei," he said, and the words seemed to come from everywhere around. "Look upon me with the eyes with which you saw your own Mana, when you pacted.... So long ago, now. So long ago, dear Isolde. But remember. Remember. We all remember...."
The walls around seemed to echo with them, the voices of a choir. And for a single moment, her fear dissolved, and the world resolved before her senses, crystal-clear.
"You're...." She swallowed. Why say it? But it was the only thing left to say. Everything she'd fought for felt so hollow in this light, and now the only words left.... "You're beautiful, Vayne."
"Mm." It wasn't an arrogant agreement; merely an acknowledgement of truth.
"...So what now?" Her eyes stung with tears again, partly from holding them open; there was nothing to do but stare at him.
Vayne gave a little mental shrug, and somehow she felt it, rippling through the light around. "I don't know. What did you want to do? ...I meant that seriously, by the way. I'm not really good at knowing what to do, when people don't tell me." He rubbed the back of his head, the first truly human gesture she'd seen from him in a while, and she barked out a laugh.
"Heh. Never change."
"I already have," he said, simply, sadly. Sorrow for her, not for himself.
"...I don't know either. I don't know what to do now. I just...." The room around her thrummed like a heartbeat, alive with power. "...I just wish that... you would... that you could...."
Vayne hmmmed, a sing-song tone that echoed his beatific smile. "That I would what? Go away? Not exist?" It was a playful taunting, a joke he hoped to share with her, a joyous dismissal of old fears. Her wish already resounded in his heart; intoxicated on his newfound powers, he couldn't help but feel it.
...that someone would understand me....
His senses bathed in the fire of her request, eyes narrowed to catlike slits, he let his hand fall to cover her heart. Even through her robe, it felt like a molten brand.
"Of course.... Anything you wish."
If she'd ever considered, idly, before, what it would be like to have her thoughts and feelings read, she would have thought it would have felt like something. It didn't, really. It was him doing the feeling, not her; she simply watched the emotions flicker over his face, his expression shifting like quicksilver. That one person could contain such multitudes... but then, she remembered, she contained them too. Just never all at once, like that... and now, the same things that she contained, he did too....
---
Sulpher.... Is it okay?
Meow.... (I don't see why not.)
But you're my-- I mean, I'm your Mana... I never want to leave you.
Meow. (You'll always be my Mana. We can all stay together.)
If it really works like that....
Myaaan. (You can wish for it to be however you want, remember? ...I don't mind, in any case. She did save my life.)
---
Sulpher and Vayne, talking in her mind...? The words came to her only blurrily, a watery echo she had to struggle to make out. And the more she fought to understand, the more it did feel like something. Like descending into the darkness. Where was Vayne? The world was so... the light so faint....
Isolde?
Vayne? What is it? Not now....
Isolde, hold on....
***
Stark whiteness filled her hazy vision. Not the pleasant, numbing glow of Mana-light, this, but an all-too-familiar banal huelessness. The infirmary.... Ugh, no. How did I get here? Vayne. Vayne was.... Damn, did he trick me...?
The thought flickered across her mind, but made no impact, like an old memory; a sudden flash of pain, followed by the ease of knowing that truth was in the past. Her heart felt calm, all her surface thoughts refusing to stir its placid surface. Buoyed on the recognition of that, she kept herself from sitting bolt upright and scanning her surroundings, and simply let herself lie, feeling out her body for injuries and the wider room for presences with a detached curiosity.
She didn't seem hurt, and the sounds and sentiments of the infirmary were much as they ever were. Melanie was behind the curtain, preparing some horrible concoction no doubt that would harm more than it healed. I'm not even sick. Gods only know if I can convince her of that, though.... And closer, another presence... no, two... no, one... or was it just her imagination? She blinked to clear her vision, and surveyed the room with her eyes.
"Meow."
Ice-blue eyes met hers, framed by a shock of silver-white hair. Two over-large feline ears protruded from it, white feathery fur spilling out from the openings. She had to admit it looked quite grand.
She wasn't about to say that, though.
"I didn't know you possessed a sense of humour. And what's with all that? You look like Nikki."
"Ahaha, you don't like it?" Vayne rubbed a clawed hand through his hair. "I can change it...."
Isolde waved her hand dismissively, though internally she was blushing at the show of deference. "Don't bother. ...I am fond of cats, anyway."
A smaller black form hopped up onto the bed. "Always reassuring to hear," Sulpher mewed.
"...And I'm going to regret saying that, having two of them talking in my head."
"You're happy, though, right, Isolde-sensei?" said Vayne.
"Sensei...." she mused. "Is it really fitting for you to be calling me that any more, I wonder...."
"Huh?"
"Never mind. As for happy... it's been a long time since I ever was. I really don't know."
"...Oh."
"But I do feel... hn. It's been a long time since I felt this way, too. Maybe not since my first Mana.... The burden I carried inside... does feel lighter, somewhat."
"That's good...." Vayne smiled and took a place next to Sulpher, curling up into an effortless ball that looked like it should have been uncomfortable with still mostly-humanoid limbs.
"And maybe, with time, with this bond.... Maybe what you did will stop mattering so much to me. I don't want to promise anything, you understand. But if you're to be my Mana, it wouldn't make sense for me to... and I really don't...." She reached a hand out to absently scratch at his ear. "I think... that now... it's impossible for me to truly hate you, Vayne."
"...A happy ending, then?" offered Sulpher.
Vayne laughed nervously. "...Well, if we can get out of this place without Melanie trying to pour some weird gunk into us...."
Isolde rolled her eyes. "...My thoughts exactly."
"And goodness knows what I'm supposed to say to my workshopmates...."
"Yes, it's a good thing we're graduating," said Sulpher. "Although I suppose we won't be leaving the school now. Not that I mind... I rather like this place."
Vayne nodded. "I go where you and she go. Just don't go in two different directions. ...Ah, but! Speaking of graduation!"
"What about it?" Sulpher asked.
"Well, if I'm the Mana, and Sulpher's the pacted.... Shouldn't he technically be the one who graduates?"
"That's assuming I let you graduate," said Isolde.
"W-wait, what? But what did I...."
"You did put me in the infirmary."
"I wasn't responsible," said Sulpher. "I insist on getting my degree."
Isolde laughed lightly. "You two are good humour," she said. "But, Vayne, in all seriousness.... I do believe that if anyone deserves to graduate, it's you. You embraced the transcendence that alchemy is made for, and I.... Even I had let that knowledge become clouded, in my own fear. You showed me something I needed to remember, and... well.... Well done."
"Thank you, sensei," Vayne said, ducking his head a little.
"Please. There's no need to call me that now."
"She really can't make up her mind, can she?" said Sulpher.
***
And the strange laughter of one cat, one human, and something both yet neither echoed through the building, until Vayne's friends were eventually drawn; and there was much to explain, and even after all was said, and the jokes had been made, Vayne felt like he'd never hear the end of it.
Except he would, in short order. They were all graduating, and he was staying here, or leaving; whatever Isolde chose. It was an unspoken understanding: he and Sulpher didn't have plans, after all, and Sulpher had always gone wherever Vayne had gone. He'd never really had any direction in life, never known where he was going or what he was doing. But as a Mana, he felt content not going much of anywhere of his own accord.
Being with his pact-mates, helping their wishes come true....
That seemed like a peaceful kind of life, to him.
So that was the way it would be.
***
Theofratus.... I had truly underestimated you.
I still don't know why you longed for death. Alchemy is transcendence... I'm remembering that again, now. But was there really nothing more you could have done with your time and knowledge? Was that really the best way to leave this world, in desperation and in fear, rather than on the wings of eagles? If only you'd stayed with Vayne.... If only that hadn't been your first wish.... Maybe you'd have found the peace I'm beginning to see.
I don't know why you left. But the gift you left behind.... Through him, your son, your creation, I'm learning that your leaving wasn't the end of my life. And if you really did have to go, I'm thankful that you still gave me that.
I wish we could have been a family. But in your absence, I'll be all I can for him.
And if there is anything left of your heart that cares... know that he is everything, to me.
I must move on with my life. I'll commit this letter to the fire, and hope it is the last time I dwell on this sorrow. Rising on the updrafts, like the flames that burned your body, I'll wish that it reaches you.
With love,
Isolde.
1 comment:
I've just read all your fanfics in a row, (lead here by Stigmata) and this one is, without a doubt, my favourite. This would have been a very fitting ending for the story, just as fitting as the other actual endings.
I don't have your mastery when it comes to grammar and vocabulary, so rather than using various adjectives to express my feelings, I'll just be blunt : thank you for enlightening my night.
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